A nice smile lets him know that you are interested in him
There are three basic styles of applying the techniques for meeting other people. They represent a continuum from passive to assertive to aggressive.
- Passive
- Assertive
- Aggressive
Passive
Women have traditionally been socialized into the passive role and taught to wait for the man to make the first move. When men are passive, they’re labeled as “Nice Guys”. Passive people wait for others make the first move.
But the problem with being passive is that you miss so many good opportunities while you are waiting for someone else to take the initiative. If you go out with anyone, it is because they choose you. The quality of your love life is at the mercy of whom ever asks you out. This is not the best option if you really want to meet men.
Assertive
Assertive people represent the best style. They have a higher chance of getting what they want from a relationship because they take the responsibility for obtaining it. They express their feelings, wants and needs and at the same time acknowledge the feelings, wants and needs of the other person. The most balanced, most fulfilling relationships are between two assertive people.
You can move up to this assertive role and make a significant improvement in your love life by becoming more approachable. Approachable means to make it easier for a man to approach you.
Aggressive
Men have been socialized to be aggressive and make the first move. But the most aggressive men tend to be overpowering and express their wants and needs at your expense. They aren’t very sensitive to your wishes and are more likely to treat you as a thing.
If you choose to be aggressive and take the lead in meeting men, then you will have to plan on making the first move, not waiting for him.
Two Way to Use This Information
You can use and apply this information in one of two ways.
- You can move from the passive role to the assertive role and learn to be more approachable.
- You can take the aggressive role by mastering the social skills necessary to ask men out.
Becoming more approachable
Women generally expect men to take the active role in initiating and maintaining an initial contact while they only indirectly encourage the man. Etiquette guru Emily Post advances this attitude by advising against women asking a man out. She says that a women who makes the first move:
“… may find that she is alienating the very person she wants to impress. A girl who knows how to use her femininity and charm to get the man she wants, instead of displaying her independence and “strength” to bowl him over has a far better chance of success.”
But times have changed. Now all the books and magazines say that it is OK for the woman to be aggressive and approach a man. But I’m not sure women are as ready for this as the men are.
I can speak from a man’s point of view, it rarely happens. On the other hand, I know what it is like when a woman makes it clear that she is interested in me. This considerably increases my confidence about approaching her. For most women, being approachable is the key to meeting men.
Making the first move.
Is it OK for a woman to ask a man out? How do men feel about a woman making the first move? Emily Post aside, most men would be happy if women would take a more assertive role in the meeting process, and research supports this. Men are equally receptive to women either being more approachable, or making the first move. It is generally the women more so than the men, who are reluctant to change these traditional roles.
One caution here. When a woman makes the first move, she is more likely to be the victim of some sort of dating violence. Perhaps this is because men see them as being more interested in sex than they really are. So choose your men carefully.
