All relationships go through what is known as a “rough patch.” It can happen over something as serious as a fight over allow her ex to keep hovering around her workplace or something as simple as him always leaving the toilet seat up every morning.

Most times, a little communication can go a long way to smoothing things over. But sometimes, things can also go the other way and end in a breakup. For those who are at this point, you may still be trying to figure out if it is really the end or if it’s just another hurdle that you have to get through.

If you have decided that he is worth fighting for, and the relationship is worth talking things over, giving a little more effort to win him back, and even showing him your more vulnerable side, then try to assess these tips so you can have a smoother transition from being exes to getting back together again.

Look at your relationship before the breakup

Every relationship is a journey, and the first place to start looking for clues to the break up is to check for any red flags along the way. Did you have a string of fights before the breakup? Was there an incident that sparked serious fights? Was there a notable change in you or a habit that you stopped doing, which may have triggered him to become distant and led to the eventual breakup?

These are some of the things that you should take note of so you can find the cause of the breakup. If the problem was just a minor change, it is possible that the breakup was a spur of the moment act that he may regret afterwards. But if it has been building up over the years, the root problem might be buried deeper, which will require a little more effort to deal with.

Don’t be the clingy ex

It’s okay to feel like being on the verge of desperation, but make sure that you don’t show it. There’s a small window of opportunity for you to show him what he let go—and it’s the best time to make a great impression. It’s time that you show him that he made a bad choice, and let him know that you are willing to take him back.

If he sees someone who is so clingy to the point of making him feel suffocated, that window may slam shut. Regardless if it’s the beginning of the relationship or if you’re considering renewing your love for each other, guys never get tired of chasing after the girl they love, so don’t make it easy for him. It will keep him interested.

Find out if he still cares for you

This is a crucial, though for some painful, step in the process of getting your ex back. A breakup can either be a serious one that has been an incident in the making for months or even years before it happens, or the result of a sudden burst of emotions of anger, hurt, or disappointment over the proverbial “last straw.”

Figuring out which caused the breakup is crucial, and his feelings for you are the best criteria with which to judge your next steps. When a relationship has been on the rocks for a long time prior to the breakup, his feelings for you may have cooled down to a degree wherein the relationship can no longer go back to the way it was.

Look for the most obvious clues that tell you that he still cares for you despite everything that has happened in the relationship. Do his friends ask about you? Do his parents or relatives check up on you once in a while? Some signs don’t have to come from him—because he may also be trying to figure out where you stand in the relationship. However, try to do this subtly, as any aggressive actions right after a breakup may not be as welcome as you think.

Understand your true feelings

When breakups happen, it’s only natural to feel hurt and angry, especially if you feel that you were not in the wrong. It is one thing to still want him after a breakup, but it’s also another if you’re just pining after the status of being in a relationship.

Ask yourself if you still have feelings for him. Are you trying to get back together because you know that the breakup is just a bump on the road or is it because you just want the chance to get back at him for breaking your heart?

Remember, breakups do happen for a reason—and there are a variety of reasons that can come into play. It might be that one of you needs some breathing space from the other. One of you may have become tired of the other, or one of you may have changed in a way that the partner can’t accept.

Before doing anything, always ask yourself these two questions: What’s the reason for the breakup? Do I love him enough to want him back into my life?

Don’t neglect or punish yourself

How many times have you heard your girlfriends wallow in self-pity when they get dumped? Some women even make it into a cry-fest, wherein they would gather all their girlfriends and indulge in all things chocolate and sweet, as if food can heal their broken hearts.

Don’t forget to do these three things for yourself:

1. Indulge in leisurely activities to ease your mind.

Just because the relationship cooled off doesn’t mean you have to appear stressed all the time. Try to pamper yourself with a weekend with friends to take a break from crying or feeling sad.

Do some shoe shopping or have a spa day. You broke up, yes. But it’s not the end of the world—and you don’t have to look it.

2. Steer away from things that will remind you of him.

Even if you are trying to think of ways to get back together, this doesn’t mean that you should think about him 24/7. Take a break from the drama by immersing yourself in other things.

Read a book. Watch a movie. Go dancing with friends. Go on a vacation. Just because you are trying to have fun doesn’t mean you’re no longer sad over the fact that you’ve broken up. It’s just not healthy to be so depressed for a long period of time.

3. Always be yourself.

Don’t try to become someone else. He fell in love with you for a reason—it might be a quirky habit or a personality that’s uniquely yours. Revive that person, and try to see if you have changed.

If you think you have changed, try to see if it’s a change that is too great that he is unable to accept it. Sometimes, the reason you have changed may be due to outside forces—stress, work, family obligations, and the like—and with a little alone time, you may be able to revert back to the person that he once loved.

Let your actions show your interest

With relationships, it’s true that actions speak louder than words. Though constant communication is necessary to keep the lines clear, your actions towards him will go a longer way.

Some couples even pinpoint displays of affection as one of the causes for relationship cool downs. For the more conservative individual, it is understandable to avoid public displays of affection, especially if you don’t want people to see you get your hands all over each other. It’s a different story, however, if you start going cold even when it’s just the two of you together in the car or in your pad.

Let your boyfriend know that you love him through actions—give him a simple peck before leaving the house or even some cuddling time before going to bed.

Go for a casual drink or lunch together

Try asking him out for a noncommittal meeting when both your heads have cooled off after the breakup, and try getting on the subject of your relationship.

His initial answer is very crucial. Watch out for any of these three possible answers:

1. “Sure, let’s hang out like the old times.”

An eagerness to say yes may mean that he is have second thoughts about leaving you and may actually want to get back with you.

This is especially true if his old habits such as putting his arms around you when you meet up or him falling back into the mannerisms that he would only show in front of you. This means that he still thinks of you as a couple.

2. “Yeah, I guess we can meet up.”

A lukewarm response can signify that you still have a chance at talking things through. It may be that he is still trying to wrap his head around the fact that you’ve broken up, and that he’s still considering his own options.

However, take care not to come on too strong when you go out, because chances are, you may just trigger the factors that made him want to break up in the first place.

3. “I don’t think I can this time. I’m still busy with some things.”

If he comes up with a dozen excuses as to why he just can’t meet up with you or if you feel that he is just meeting you out of obligation because you’re his ex and he’s just being kind, start considering other options.

It may be his subtle way of telling you that he’s no longer interested in getting back together.

Where do you go from here?

Every chance at getting back together always has two outcomes—the happy and the not-so-happy endings. For those who are on the more positive side of the equation, the breakup should serve as a lesson. Keep in mind the things that caused the breakup and be more sensitive about them, particularly if it was your fault.

If it was his, and you still love him despite his faults, then you should learn to accept everything about him. No one’s perfect—but the key to a good, almost perfect relationship is learning to accept each other for all the flaws and the good points.

What happens if we don’t get back together?

If everything fails despite the effort you exert, it may be time to accept that some things are just not meant to be. Maybe the difference between you two is just too irreconcilable, maybe the change that occurred is too unacceptable, or maybe the distance between you has become too great to bridge back.

Most breakups are due to changes in the two people, but the thing that every couple should understand is that the different habits, mannerisms, or behavior developed overtime are not a real change—it’s just one’s real color showing through.

When a relationship starts, each person tries to put his or her best foot forward. This means that you may be reining in some habits that you think might be annoying to him and vice versa. As the relationship progresses, you become more comfortable with each other, and start falling back into old habits.

For some, it becomes a new discovery for your partner. But there are others who can’t stand the change, and once the ideal man or woman starts to get faults, this may be the one thing that will make the relationship fall apart. If you find yourself in this situation, channel your energy to other things and prepare for a fresh start. Even as early as now, it doesn’t hurt to start thinking of other options or even meeting other people.

The important thing to remember with relationships is that it can go both ways. Some relationships are just so natural and free-flowing, while others need a lot of work and dedication. Just follow what your heart tells you and hope for the best.

Text The Romance Back 2.0

	Watch a free presentation that shows you how to use simple text messages to wake up the “secret romantic” in any man… The techniques in this video have been tested by tens of thousands of women around the world, were featured on Rachael Ray and are based on simple facts of masculine psychology that you’ve probably never heard before.
Click here to read my review of Text The Romance Back 2.0…